Another full moon
by Kiina
Summary: Something stops Kai from suicide. And he is trying to find out what it is. Ty-Kai
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade.

**- Another full moon -**

"Take it easy. I was just kidding. Nothing wrong."

_Nothing wrong._

"Just ignore me if it is that hard to understand me."

_Just kidding._

"I would like to see just one smile. One smile Kai!"

_Take it easy._

"You can't smile."

_Take it…easy._

-How can I? Live is never easy. You keep on running. Never stop. You are not allowed to take a breath. Just keep on running. Time flows by.

If you stop running you will stop forever.

Stop being.

Don't take a break.

Live is hard. Live is an endless thing.

Running,

running,

running.

When you think of the future and turn around you will see that it is already gone.

Future turns into present.

Present into past.

Keep on running.

Never stop.

No break.

An endless fight.

Nowhere light.

And you cannot reach the goal.

You just keep on running until you stop.

Sit down.

Breath.

A last time.

Then you are gone.

You never reach the goal.

And you cannot do it ever again.

Live is hard.

All your live is unimportant.

You are just another pathetic being.

Just another one lying down on the path towards the goal that is not.

Who made the goal?

Was it God? He wanted that no one of us succeeded? Never? Why did he do that? What was the reason, what? Did he hate us? Does he still?

Nobody of us will ever reach it.

I am sure.-

"Kai? Stop running away! We need to know you! Want to be your friends!"

_Stop running away!_

-Did I run the wrong way?

Should I turn around?

But I could stand too long.

The break would kill me.

I would stop being.

Forever.

But am I?

I?

I think.

I am.

But is it me who keeps on running?

Is it me?

Wasn't I the one who wanted to give up?

To stop.

Was it me?

Yes.

That was me.

But I keep on running.

Since ever.

I never stopped.

I am not free.

They make me try.

They make me cry.

Will I ever fly into the endless sky?

Then my soul will burn in the night.

Light.

For the living.

Am I right?

I will be giving,

You all the light

For living.

Another full moon.

Soon.

*******

If anyone didn't understand it: Kai wants to make suicide. But I think it is clear enough. Is it? Anyway I think it will stay a one-shot. If I get more then (smirks, laughs, falls backwards off the chair) 15 (will never, never get them…^^u) reviews you can be sure I WILL continue.

Hehe, I give you a chance! (…not really…^^).


	2. When I watch you sleeping

Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade.

**- Another full moon -**

I stand at the edge of breaking down. Yet nobody would notice. Or care. But I am glad for the last one. I was always glad for it, since I don't want anyone to look after me. It would depress them anyway. I smirk when I think about that. How would that be if someone cared? They would depress themselves to death or beyond that if it's even possible that is. But I would like to see it. That person who would care, how would that be, who would he be? A fool? Too stupid for live running after me trying to feel what I feel so that they could understand my way of acting? That would frustrate them and lead to nothing but suicide. I want to laugh but I can't. I can't because I know that exactly that is what happens. And I can't laugh because all my what if thoughts are gone. There is not what if anymore. 

The exact reason why I want death. 

I would give my soul if all my thoughts were what if thoughts. If all what happened never was. When he never cared. 

I wish, I wish I could make him stop running after-

Running after me.

Then it would be better and I would be able to go in peace. But it isn't and so I am stuck in this awful mess called world. Maybe, someday, he will stop calling me and I will go. 

Right now I watch him sleeping. I can see because the moon is shining. Clear night. And yes, I sit here and watch, a blade lying beside me. Oh yes, I ask myself why it is so red, the blade. I ask why my wrist feels as if on fire. I ask but nobody answers. 

Except one.

Yes, I hear him answer even if he doesn't open his mouth at all. He does that a lot, open his mouth, but right now it is closed and he is sleeping- and I am watching him. So it can't be his mouth who answers. And it can' t be happiness that holds me back. Because I see him sleeping but I also see that he is having a nightmare. I can see his slow breath quicken. Can think of all the awful things which may happen there- in his dream. And it cannot be happiness that makes me stay, since I never felt any happiness when I had to look at him. No, never. 

May I ask why?

Why he is nothing but depression for me, this loudmouthed awful happy being? Why he is nothing but trouble to me? Why he can't stay silent for one minute and leave me to my thoughts? Why it makes me that aggressive every time he touches me? Why I keep on thinking about him even if it hurts me?

May I ask why the blade, which is shining in the moonlight, shines so red?

If I had asked you this question I wouldn't be anymore. If I had asked you this single question, I would not feel any pain and suffer all these nights. If I had asked you, why oh yes why, I would no longer suffer. If I asked you now, I would…

I will not ask. 

Because if I would.

I would let you see my dark soul. Would let you know about my hurt heart. Would let you know that I am suffering because of you. And there is something deep inside of me that wants you to stay unknowing. To stay an innocent smiling brat. Yes, something in me wants you that way. And this something is so strong that it makes me carry on suffering my whole nights and days. I wonder what it is this something! What great power must it contain if it holds me back doing what I want? If it keeps me here. If it keeps me staying here, looking at you and knowing of a, no, my red shining blade. 

What can that be?

It is not hope, for I am lost since ever. 

It is not hatred, over years I lost that feeling. Even if I show it every now and then, I play, I act, it is not what I feel.

It is…

…different from all the many things I felt. Never before something was that strong.  

Maybe…

It is not that awful, this red shining blade, with which I cut my wrists every night. Maybe it is not that bad this feeling that makes me stop every time, when my eyes fall on you. 

Maybe, yes, maybe…

It is making me feel almost…

…Almost…

…Good.

And after every full moon there comes the rising sun and another day of pain.


End file.
